The Fellowship of the Douche
Nine remain after last episode's "shocking" elimination in which Daisy, using her as-yet-unseen math skills, eliminates outliers Tool Box (most douchey) and Cable Guy (least douchey), resulting in a more representative pool of douchiness.
Because Daisy is such a rock 'n roll whor...I mean, fan, this week's challenge is Rockin' Nursery Rhymes. The guys are split up into 3 teams led by the musicians of the group: London, Cage, Chi Chi; Sinister, 12 Pack, Fox; 6 Gauge, Big Rig, Flex. There is a brief flicker of drama when, egads! Sinister does not pick BFF Chi Chi to be in his group. What part of this is a competition do these guys not get? Perhaps they did not read the fine print....
ANYway, off to the Knitting Factory, an L.A. bar, for the Mother Goose showdown, where we meet Daisy's BFF Taylor. Taylor's dad is the guitar player for the Steve Miller Band, which somehow qualifies her to judge these jackasses. Actually, maybe it does, indeed. 6 Gauge's band goes on first, with a Full Monty version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Flex admits that he doesn't know the words. Huh? I guess that's fair: Daisy didn't know the words to the Star Spangled Banner in ROL 2. And the stars weren't the only things twinkling: Big Rig, with only a guitar to hide his shame, shows off some "moves" that prompt Sinister to observe that "his ballsack is hanging out". Ewww......
Next up: London's band Daisy Blades, named thusly cause "Daisy likes razor blades". I do not know from whence they gathered this bit of information, but Daisy retorts: "I wax these bitches, thank you". No, Daisy, thank you. Their rendition of Row Row Row Your Boat made me want to gouge gouge gouge my ears out with a melon baller. One of the douches noted that they "shoulda row row rowed their ass out of the Knitting Factory". Good one, douchey. The song is just a buncha noise, followed by London falling down. Way to be cool, London, way to be cool.
Up last, Sinister's band Daisy Train, a play on "daisy chain" or perhaps "crazy train", both equally servicible and moderately clever. Kudos. Their song, Old MacDonald (or is it McDonald?) Had a Farm, actually sounds like a rockin' version of the rhyme. And with the exception of Fox, who has no musical ability whatsoever, they sounded kinda like a real band (ish). So, of course, the winner is.......
Daisy Blades?!? WTF!! Evidently, all those lip fillers finally migrated to Daisy's ear canal, rendering her tone deaf. Apparently, no matter what the challenge may be, if London's on your team, you can count on a date with Daisy. As my friend Brian would say, blerg.
And Chi Chi somehow thinks he's still in the game...*sigh*
So, London, Chi Chi and Cage go off on their date with Daiz. In the limo, London reveals that he's sorta-kinda "couch surfing", ie: homeless, at the moment. In the middle of his sad, sad tale, Daisy gets distracted by, oh, I dunno, a shiny object, and walks away, which hurts lil London's feelins'. Ooh, I smells trouble...
Daisy's big date is a trip to a Gibson guitar showroom that she has had "shut down" just for them (read: broken into). She surprises them with their very own brand new guitars, practically bringing London to tears, for it seems he was sans guitar, and as Daisy so eloquently states, "A musician without his guitar is like a blonde without her bleach". Or her penicillin.
London then sits at a piano and gets all romantical 'n shit, while Chi Chi comes over and starts mauling Daisy. London stews, "Why do I have to compete against these guys?" Cause it's a competition, douche. Jeez... Daisy then takes Cage for some one-on-one time. It's like an After School Special: abusive dad, mom killed in car wreck, becomes cage fighter--you know, that old story. Cage is growing on me.....
So, we're back in the limo, and London starts getting all pissy. No one's exactly sure why, other than the fact that he's a drama queen. London feels that Daisy is giving him 'attitude'. There's only one person in this limo with an attitude, my little mohawked friend. London demands to be sent home. Happy to oblige, ass. Back at Villa de la Ho-ya, Daisy goes off to cry in her room, while London goes off on some crazy rant: "Joshua Lee is a real person!" He's also good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like him. Daisy requests a tete a tete with Sir Douch-a-lot. Daisy is totally buying into all of London's bullshit, and gets all Dr. Phil on our asses, her diagnosis being that all of the drama between them can only be the result of how much they care. Yes, I often show that I care by being a completely unreasonable dickhead and making someone cry. That, my friends, is how I roll. "Joshua Lee" also states at one point, "If you don't stand for something, you'll stand for anything". Um, yeah.
I've figured out why London seems so familiar to me. He's the Kristy Jo of Daisy of Love. Those of you who watched Rock of Love 2 will know what I mean....
Now that Daisy and London have worked out their differences, Daisy decides a rousing game of Truth or Dare is in order. Oh, yeah, this bodes well...Fox begins by asking Chi Chi, "Truth: who will go first, you or Sinister?" Oh no he di'nt. Chi Chi thinks Sinister would stay over him; Sinister thinks this is a sympathy move. Well, duh. Daisy then decides, brilliantly, to ask London, "Why did your dad kick you out?" And whaddya know? London gets...drum roll please...PISSY...and storms out.
Before elimination, Rikki takes Daisy aside and discusses the London situation. Rikki doesn't want London to stay; he's the typical struggling rock star with issues, the same kind of loser Daisy usually goes for. Rikki points out London's fabulous first night in the house (passed out drunk--you remember), and that he hasn't been there for Daisy from the beginning. Daisy hears, but does not listen...
Daisy requests an audience with London one last time before elimination. She informs him that he will be offered a chain, should he choose to accept it. Except she said it all Daisy-like, with some arm-flailin' and poutin'.
Elimination: Prior to elimination, Daisy sent the members of Chip 'n Daisy (6 Gauge, Big Rig and Flex) to get rock 'n roll make-overs. I believe she mistakenly sent them to Drag Queens-R-Us. Daisy calls down Cage, Chi Chi, 12 Pack, Flex...London.....dramatic pause....
London decides not to accept the chain. Baroo? Is it possible that London is a stand-up guy after all? It would seem so. Rikki approves, Daisy dissolves into a blubbering pile of silicone and runs off, leaving the rest of the guys wondering WTF? How many guys have now eliminated themselves? This has got to be some kind of reality show record.
The episode ends with no elimination....stay tuned...
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