pre-smackdown smack-talk

Elizabeth Winslow: Oh, you are Livin' on a Prayer. Your head will be spinning Round and Round while I Rock You Like a Hurricane. But, I guess that's the Same ol' Situation as always!!

Michelle Pavao: Here I Go Again! Take a Photograph, Lemon, cuz Ima be Bringin' On The Heartbreak! It's the Final Countdown: Shake Me? Haha, In Your Dreams.....

Elizabeth Winslow: Oh, Sweet Child o' Mine...You better Turn up the Radio and keep practicing because you'll be wishing you were Home Sweet Home or maybe in Paradise City...But I'll be sending you back to Skid Row on the Night Train!!

Michelle Winslow: Where's my invite!?!

Elizabeth Winslow: Oh, Sister Christian, you'll be invited. One of us will be going down in a Blaze of Glory, the other will be having Nothin' But a Good Time. So, December 6, Fly High Michelle on down to the OPT. But bring along Dr. Feelgood because there's gonna be some Bad Medicine!!

Erin Rowley: keep it going! i love when you 2 argue in song title form!

Michelle Pavao: You Got Another Thing Comin', Lemon, cuz I'm Nobody's Fool! I'm gonna Lay It Down In The Still Of The Night so take a Photograph and Lay It Down! You better check your Metal Health cuz I'm Hell Bent For Leather and Screamin' For Vengeance! Wait! You think you're gonna Rock Me? You better just Runaway before you Burn In Hell!

Elizabeth Winslow: All right-We strutted into town Just Like Jesse James at the Cher-off. And I’ll admit, I thought I was Invincible at the Benat-off. But we won’t be able to Blame it on the Boogie like we did at the Jack-off. You might have to Kickstart My Heart after I show off my Wild Side at the Aqua Net-Off. 12 days-It’s the Final Countdown. I’m Running With The Devil and you’re Headed For A Heart Break. But remember-Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away).

Michelle Pavao: Hit Me With Your Best Shot, Lemon, cuz If I Could Turn Back Time, you'd see it's really Black Or White: you better board the Crazy Train, cuz your singing will get you 18 And Life. No going Home Sweet Home for you, you're only FFFFoolin' yourself. You may have the Looks That Kill, but it won't do you any good in the Still Of The Night.

Elizabeth Winslow: Back For More, are we?? Well, there really is No One Like You. But you just can't Shake Me. Lay It Down? Oh, I'll Lay It Down. You better learn a little Patience because I'm gonna be Burning Like A Flame all night long. And that's just The Way It Is!!

Michelle Pavao: Tell Me, Way Cool Jr., do you prefer to Die With Your Boots On or Run To The Hills? Cuz when Push Comes To Shove, this Modern Day Cowboy will Stand Up And Shout. At 2 Minutes To Midnight, I'm gonna Unchain The Night. Oh, There's No One Like You, Sweet Child O Mine, but you'll be The Last In Line, Alone Again--that's just The Way It Is. But hey, get yer Big Bottom up there and take a Shot In The Dark! You may be lookin' for Nothin' But A Good Time, but there's no need to Talk Dirty To Me!

Fucking Nirvana!

Ozone-shmozone

Hi, kids. In the tradition of the Cher-Off, the Benat-Off, and the Jack-Off, Lemon and Paylo will once again cut heads--big, hairsprayed heads--at the AquaNet-Off! Nirvana may have killed the hair bands, but we're raisin' 'em from the dead for one night only! Sunday, December 6th, Old Port Tavern. You bring the earplugs, we'll bring the RAWK!!!

Jake

I spread ash-grey newspapers
all over the kitchen floor,
three layers thick, because
he can’t get up and down stairs
anymore.

Sixteen years ago, I spread ash-grey newspapers
all over the kitchen floor,
three layers thick, because
he was still learning.

Six years ago, I spread, not newspapers,
but ash-grey just the same,
the remains of a life on the wind, because
he was finally free.

The Good, the Bad and the Nunja

poet, didn't know it

When asked how he would like to spend his nights,
He answered thus to which his heart appeals:
A place of shining surfaces and lights,
A bastion of g-strings and clear heels.

He hits yon ATM, two-dollar bills
And verily traverses to the stage.
With bulging pants, anticipating thrills,
He happily forswears his weekly wage.

Positioned thus within sight of the pole,
His searching eyes--Oh most unholy quest!
A lengthwise-folded bill meant to cajole
From lacèd prison siliconèd breast.

He cedes his passion to a heart of stone,
And, soul and pockets empty, leaves alone.

My Big Fat Gay Rant

Thank the baby Jesus that we have decided to preserve the sanctity of marriage here in Maine! So that the Britney Spears of the world can continue to marry douchebags in Vegas and then get said marriages annulled hours later. So that countless reality-show fucktards can duke it out for the honor of presenting a ring that they didn't buy to a vapid attention-whore--but hey! at least it's one man and one woman! So that the Ted Haggards of the world can rail against gay marriage, but then can fuck male prostitutes in a meth-induced haze. So that the Bill Clintons, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzers and Mark Sanfords can violate their sacred and holy wedding vows with cigars, videographers, hookers and Argentines. Yes, it's probably best that we keep the sacred and holy institute of marriage away from the gays, cuz the straights are just SO good at it!