Valedictorian

I sat alone, by choice,
but not my choice.
Bleak winter afternoons spent alone
with my macaroni and cheese
and judgement-free Jello.

You sat alone, by choice.
With your perfect hair,
your perfect GPA,
your perfect boyfriend,
your perfect life.

Often, I would carry my tray carefully
toward an empty table, and hesitate; what if
I just sat with you?
Would it be so weird?
But I would pass by, eyes downcast.

I remembered when we would sit
together at lunch, giggling,
twin chestnut ponytails bobbing,
before you became popular,
and I, invisible.

How could I have known that the only real
difference between us was access
to a gun?