Planet of the Apes?

Anxiously awaiting the arrival of a time-traveling monkey....

“We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals. Remote from universal nature, and living by complicated artifice, man in civilization surveys the creature through the glass of his knowledge and sees thereby a feather magnified and the whole image in distortion. We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate of having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein we err, and greatly err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth.”

Henry Beston

Valedictorian

I sat alone, by choice,
but not my choice.
Bleak winter afternoons spent alone
with my macaroni and cheese
and judgement-free Jello.

You sat alone, by choice.
With your perfect hair,
your perfect GPA,
your perfect boyfriend,
your perfect life.

Often, I would carry my tray carefully
toward an empty table, and hesitate; what if
I just sat with you?
Would it be so weird?
But I would pass by, eyes downcast.

I remembered when we would sit
together at lunch, giggling,
twin chestnut ponytails bobbing,
before you became popular,
and I, invisible.

How could I have known that the only real
difference between us was access
to a gun?

See, even the fashion world agrees....

Granny Panties on the Rise

Mad Men, my left ass cheek. The return of the granny panty is CLEARLY a grass roots movement by angry Wonder Woman fans. And now, I shall go to the Walmahts and buy a six-pack of Fruit of the Loom.

Bring Back the Granny Panties!

Ok, considering that I STILL want to be Wonder Woman when I grow up (I have the costume--I'm ready), I feel I need to voice my opinion about the costume/origin changes that have been thrust upon us by the powers at DC. Um, what in the star-emblazoned underpants HELL were they thinking? She looks like an extra in a Paula Abdul video, circa 1992. Wonder Woman is an icon, no less so than Superman or Batman, whose costumes remain unchanged, and integral to her iconography are the star-spangled granny panties!!

Some of the "reasoning" behind the change: Who could fight crime in such a skimpy costume? Where does she keep her keys?

Are you fucking kidding me? You can suspend your disbelief enough to buy that a man can fly and melt shit with his laser vision, but you can't fathom a woman fighting crime in a bustier? To all the politically-correct, uber-feminists who think that being a strong, capable female requires pants: there must be a drum circle or poetry slam or "Women Who Run With The Wolves" book signing somewhere.

TKAM

July 2010 marked the 50th anniversary of the publication of To Kill a Mockingbird. I first read it in sixth grade, either in English class or on my own, I don't remember which (it was a few years ago, after all). What I do remember is the feeling of finding something that I didn't even know was missing.

People have asked me over the years why I love this book so much, and I've never been able to form a coherent answer. I suppose I could muster up some formulaic response--something about its themes of racial and social injustice, gender inequality, loss of innocence, and the definition of courage--all perfectly acceptable reasons to have read the same book every year for thirty years.

But I think I prefer not to over-analyze it. Besides, most people who really know me could probably figure it out...

Hahahahaha! I knew I loved this guy...